THE WIZ

I have a friend.....

Shocking. I know....

You know how I like to claim to be unshockable? Well, dear reader...this hot bitch has done it many times. She is amazing in many ways, but in the ways that she has been able to drop me to my knees in sheer " gross out-ness"...she is like no other. Let us bow our heads, and give honor to the queen.

IM GONNA TELL YOU A STORY, NOW!!!!

Settle in, cause this is a good one.

One of the things I love most about her, is that she pisses VERY EASILY, when laughing. As in, the upper corners of her mouth just start to turn up, in a grin like fashion...and BOOM!!!!

A puddle in her panties.

Its just so fucking good! The more she fights it, the stronger the stream. Of course, Im in hysterics on the ground. My face is the color of a tomato, and Im beating my fist against the ground. She is screaming at me to stop, all the while clutching her pussy, dancing in a circle, as a dark stain forms on her jeans. This goes on for fifteen minutes until Im completely exhausted......and the room smells like a urinal. Which fortunately, is my favorite scent.

We were in a truck. Somebody was driving....I was in the middle....and Miss Piss was on my right. She kept fiddling with her cleaving, saying that There was a zit in the middle. Press, press, press went Miss Piss..... aching to relieve the pressure of the blemish that lived in her boob crack. We all kept talking, not paying all that much attention to the surgery, going on to the extreme right. Well, ......we weren't paying attention until a massive stream of mayonnaise like puss, smashed against the dashboard. The splat was audible, and it really took a good ten seconds, for everything to register. In silence, the driver and I turned to Miss Piss in unison. The shock was too great. As we turned...all I saw was her face, scrunched into a ball of silent, exploding laughter. There was not a single sound....only the pressure of 1000 galaxies, coming through her neck vains. I started to say, " are you fucking kidding me?", but she cut me off.

"DONT! DONT!!! Im gonna piss!!!!!!"

Her hand was in between her legs, and all I saw was a watery dam of yellow urine, rising from the V where her hand tried to contain the liquid. At this point, she was screaming with laughter......pointing to the pearly white puss, oozing down the dashboard, and futilely clutching her pissing vagina. We kept trying to react. I was so caught between shock, horror, total joy, and repulsion, I was left paralyzed. I would go to open my mouth, but I was cut off each time by Miss Piss screaming..." DONT!!!". She would look at our faces, and screech with such forceful laughter...that more piss came out...filling the cloth seats of the vehicle. The owner of the truck, who was driving, was laughing through anger...' are you fucking kidding?!?!?!? MY SEATS!!!! Miss Piss, just kept putting her hand up, in a ' stop in the name of love", motion...while a whole new round of piss laughs ensued.

The other thing about Miss Piss, is that she loves to walk around totally naked. We were at her house one day, and she was getting ready to take a shower. She was naked....taking care of this and that, while we were in her kitchen. She was on her way to jump in the shower, and I said...' Im gonna make a quick call while you're in the shower". As I turned to reach for the phone, I felt a thud against the side of head. I turned, and looked on the ground to see what was clearly just thrown at me.

Could it be?

Am I REALLY looking at a dirty tampon, right now?

I dont think you people understand what Im talking about, when I say..."dirty". Im talking about there was not a single speck of white, on this tampon. It was so soaked, it was eggplant colored. Clearly she had had this same tampon in, since she was 12. My head was fuzzy with shock. I looked up into the doorway. There she stood, naked. Her head was thrown back, facing the ceiling. Her entire body convulsed in silent fits, while her hand held onto her deceitful vagina, as in rained oceans of yellow piss, through her fingers, onto the floor. My naked friend just pulled out her used tampon, threw it at me, and is now pissing all over the place.

To get her back, the very next week she fell asleep on her couch, with her mouth open. I went into the bathroom, found a pair of scissors, and cut off a chunk of my pubic hair. I crept back, and lightly sprinkled it, into her mouth. She coughed herself awake, as I was curled into fetus position on the floor, holding myself and cackling. Then she totally kicked my ass.

Later that day, she thought it would be funny to put her finger in herself, then wipe it on my mouth.

Oh, its FUCKING ON!!!!

A few days later, she was in the shower. I walked in and told her I had to poop. She protested, but what was she going to do? We chatted for a few minutes while she lathered, and I made boom boom. Thats when she launched into a stirring acapella version of The Star Spangled Banner. The thoughts of her twat on my lips, suddenly crept into my mind. It was my turn to be vindicated! I wiped myself, and decided to toss it over the shower curtain. She sang on, I tossed the shitty toilet paper, and tried with all my might to hold the laughter in.

I waited....

nothing.

She kept singing.

I wiped again.....and threw it over the curtain.

At this point, Im on the toilet.....having a full on nervous breakdown. I just kept hearing her voice echo against the tiles in the bathroom.

" And the rocket's red glare...the bombs bursting in air.....gave proof ....."

There it was. The break in the song. I buried my face into my lap, as the sweet, agonizing seconds went by.

" Ryan......you fucking pig".

I went into full on psychotic laughter, as she pulled the shower curtain open, holding sopping wet, brown toilet paper.

Later, I asked her why I took so long for her to notice. She said she was rinsing conditioner out of her hair, and didnt see the the toilet paper fly over...both times. It was only when she felt something against her ankle, that she bent down and picked it up. That was when she stopped singing...because it took her a good 7 seconds to figure out what it was.

That just sent me into a whole new round hysterics.

Much like you are, right now.