If your name is Ruth..... you're a dyke, lunch lady, ex prostitute, or massive cunt. Or a combo of the four. Dragging the name " Ann" in...... doesn't lesson the blow. So,..... fuck off.
I like to buy gifts for people. Which is fortunate because...#1. Im amazing at buying gifts......and #2. My best friend is a huge receiver. She's a gift receiving power bottom.....and you cant give it to her hard enough. No condoms needed. Just charge up your Visa, and all lights are green on her end. She will not apologize for it.
Now and again, novelty gifts are fun to send. Russ and I were at CVS, and totally out of the blue... decided to make a joke gift package for my submissive power gift bottom fag hag. Im talking religious plaques, rose scented room freshening balls, and...um...." personal items."
We were in South Boston, and stopped at the postal service. Anytime you're in Boston, chances are.. ...you're gonna encounter an asshole. Enter fucking..... Ruth Ann...
She was 4ft whatever....dyke-y haircut. And she WAS NOT buying, what we were selling. We packaged up our contents. We filled out the mailing info, and walked up to the counter, like we were going to encounter a normal person. PPPppfffffttttt. Good luck, faggots. Here comes fucking Ruth Ann.
I INNOCENTLY ask......" do I have the correct zip, on the package. Could you check?". With a grunt, and woeful lesbian sigh...she checks. I should've known this would go to hell in a hand basket.
Ruth Ann says..." Um....whats in this????? Is it liquid??!?!? I HEAR LIQUID IN HERE!!!! IF THERE'S GLASS IN HERE ,AND IT BREAKS.....A HAZMAT TEAM WILL HAVE TO COME , AND YOULL PAY FOR THE CLEAN UP!!!!". Heres where I panic. Because...#1. Yes, there was liquid. And...#2. YOU DONT FUCK WITH POSTAL CUNTS.........ESPECIALLY NAMED RUTH ANN!!!!!! They'll do shit...and you won't be the same, afterwards.
Panic mode Ryan said..." um, yes...but...um..its perfume. In a metal tin....it wont break. " You KNOW my voice was all shakey and nervous....and she smelled my fear. Like any good lesbian.
Everybody was staring, at this point. She..... SUPER BEGRUDGINGLY took our cash, and we ran out like the fat pussys, that we are.
In hind site....I wish that I wouldve done it differently. When Ruth questioned what was in my package....loud enough for the entire office to hear...i wish I wouldve said....
" YES!!!!! There is liquid. Its twat washing liquid, Ruth. TWAT WASHING DOUCHE FOR A VAGINA! A DIRTY ONE!!!!"
I would've fallen to floor, and cried. Russ would've tried to comfort me.. but the pain would be too much. Crying......dry heaves.....maybe Russ dials 911....
I wanted to embarrass Ruth Ann right back, but she just would've fisted herself behind the counter, at the thought of a clean vagina.
Ruth Ann, one...Ryan, zero......
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