EVERYBODY...WANG CHUNG TONIGHT!!!

I am of the personal belief, that all music worth listening to, happened between 1979 and 1988. If you tell me that you love Nirvana or Taylor Swift, Ill punch you right in the vagina bone with a Go-Go's greatest hits album. THE AUDACITY!!! Your lips WILL be sealed.

word.

While I like to remain stuck in a time when Madonna wasn't a vieny, alien religious leader from planet face lift....I DO try to stay current with my radio listening. How else am I going to lure a 17 year old soccer player into my van with tinted windows? I need something relate-able!!!! Lets talk about some current lyrics.

Eenie Meenie:

By Sean Kingston and Justin Bieber

" She's undecided. That means she cant decide....

Cause shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova

Shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova
Shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova
Shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova"

Woah, woah, woah. Hold the phone. Not all of us have 8 years of college, behind us. So....okay..... You're saying. There is a girl, right? And.....she is undecided? Hhmm. What is this word "undecided", that you speak of? Its so exotic. IT HAS 4 SYLLABLES!!! OOOOh, I see. It means she cant decide. Now it all makes sense. Well, she DOES have that tiny, woman brain. Its so filled up with thoughts about shopping and Cosmo magazine...How COULD she decide? Thank you for clearing that up, oh wise prophets of musicality.

Rude boy:

By Rhianna

Tonight I'ma give it to ya harder
Tonight I'ma turn ya body out
Relax; let me do it how I wanna
If you got it I need it and I'ma put it down
Buckle up; I'ma give it to ya stronger
Hands up; we could go a little longer
Tonight I'ma get a little crazy, get a little crazy, baby

I feel like what Rihanna is so eloquently trying to convey here, is....."Listen, honey. When I get home from work, tonight, we're gonna have a very serious discussion. One where all falsities and barriers will be broken down. I will be raw, exposed, vulnerable. The brutal honesty will be on my owns terms, Will you hear me? For I will share all I have. I may go a little crazy from the sheer force of outpouring emotion, but we will eventually come through it stronger and more unified. Then you can have some friends over..... and you can all jizz on my face.

Your Love is My Drug:

By Kei$ha

So I got a question;
Do you want to have a summer party in my basement?
Do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum?
Is my love, your drug?
(huh) Your drug? (huh) your drug? (huh) your drug?
Is my love, your drug?

Sigh. I dont really know what to say about Kei$ha, other than......." Kei$ha. You make a really strong example of why we must keep abortion, legal.