IVE BEEN SAVED!

I was watching "Good Morning America" this morning. Know why? Its morning. And Im in America.

Jesus!!!!! Pry much?

Cant I have one single moment without all of your dissecting eyes, picking me apart? Now I know how Madonna feels. My point is.........Im like Madonna. Im the Madonna of Dorchester, Massachusettes.

But less veiny. And less manly. And without 45 billion dollars.

So, on the show there is some yahoo evangelical preacher named Marcus Lamb, who couldnt keep his scorching penis of god, out of an eager vagina.

#1. You KNOW Marcus " Lamb", is his stage name. I see you Marcus! Or.....is it...." Percy Crumb?" Ya.....its definitely Percy Crumb. Except Percy Crum doesnt get that sweet, sweet bible thumping poon! Marcus Lamb? Oh, he gets it. Dont you worry. He wakes up sore....EVERY MORNING! I guess he is the one who should be watching " Good Morning America." Get it? From all the sex? Do you? Forget it. You dont understand.

#2. He's not in the news because he did something truly holy like build homes for the down trodden. Nope. He is in the news because he likes a little strange. As in.....' a vagina. A VAGINA THAT ISNT THE ONE THAT HE IS MARRIED TOO!!!. He was being blackmailed by one of his sluts to pay up or she would come out and tell the world that.......

he sees nothing wrooooooooong.......

with a little bump and griiiiind.

( how did you like that sweet mind 90's song reference? Youre welcome. )

#3. I LOVE THIS SHIT! Love it love it love it. I love it when these ...

-preaching from the mountain top...

-chicklet teeth...

-Just For Men hair dye in "Jet Black"...

-hootin' and hollarin'...

-sweating like a big fat pig while they dance jigs from the spirit inside them...

-holier than thou dirtbags...

come tumbling down.

Its so tastey, that Im going to do 20 extra minutes of cardio, because something THIS delicious HAS to be love handle inducing.

You know what? F**K YOU Marcus....." Lamb!!!!". PERCY CRUMB!!!! I could care less if you bang every whore at mass on Sunday. Do some crazy German shit. Get a paraplegic involved. Work it out! Just please dont stand up there and preach at my sexy ass about sin, and god's vengeance, and repenting, and the rapture. If youre gonna talk about Rapture.....Im only interested in hearing about the fact that Blondie was the first person to actually rap in a song.

If you hate on gays......you hire 12 year old Taiwanese male prostitutes.

If you preach " HIS" word like a psycho bingo caller......you for sure have 14 baggies of crystal meth in your top drawer, and are a regular at " Desire. An Adult Oasis For The Discerning Gentleman.

We are all sick of your hypocrite asses. Shut your face....put your penis where you want to......and maybe keep the lord out of it. Half of his followers are already koo koo enough as it is.

But on a side note.......selfishly...keep it up. I like some entertainment with my coffee and Good Morning America.

And when I say " Good Morning America"....

You KNOW what Im talkin' 'bout.

PREACH IT!